Dear Boffins in charge of programing,

What do Hereos, Knight Rider and 90210 all have in common?  Local TV stations are ‘fasttracking’ them to Australian TV.  Yay for boffins in charge of programing.  This brings us to the question, What is fasttracking?  If you ask the boffins it’s the TV stations bringing shows that have recently aired in the USA to Australian TV in a quick turn around time.  Some shows have aired in Australia within days of it airing in the USA.

On the surface fasttracking sounds like a very good idea indeed.  Australian viewers get to see their favourite shows only days after they were originally screened.  Leaving a matter of taste aside, 90210? seriously? The ANZACs went to war for that shit?  But I digress, fasttracking rocks.  Sure it isn’t as fast as bit torrenting the show but you can be reasonably confident that when TV station x says a certain show will be on at a certain time you won’t be tuning in at that advertised time only to faced one of the earlier episodes of Steptoe and Son because some snotty nosed little shit thought that that would be a funny joke.

I think we can all agree that fasttracking is a bloody brilliant idea and boffins in charge of programming all around this fine land of ours deserve a big, Aussie, pat on the back for their great efforts.  Then, as the realisation of what fasttracking really means sinks in, the boffins in charge of programming should get a swift kick in the nads.  Fuckers are basking in the glory that fasttracking has brought them when in actual fact the term should be defined as follows:

Fasttrack(1) - A scheduling process in which shows are aired locally shortly after being aired for the first time, typically in the USA.

Fasttrack(2) - A scheduling process in which shows are aired locally shortly after being aired for the first time, typically in the USA, instead of being played whenever the boffins in charge of programming decided that airing the show in six different time slots, splitting a season of 12 episodes over 25 weeks and mysteriously missing the final episode which ties up the story ensuring the previous 11 episodes actually make some sense.

I say “Fuck you” boffins in charge of programing.  Don’t sit there and do your job correctly for a change while making out how good you are for doing it.  Fasttracking bullshit, lift your head up high and blow your brains out.

5:04 pm. Three weeks of annual leave starts Now. Where am I going? Nowhere. What am I going to do? Two of my kids are coming over from Perth for a visit so that will be nice. I haven’t seen them for a few months now. Ooh, tram is here.

6:23 pm. On the tram again. Restocked with smokes. Toasted fish cake sandwiches with tomato and cheese on the menu tonight. Maybe not the healthiest but should score well on the taste factor.

7:01 pm. Just made phone call to one of my daughters. That was nice. Opened the box of fish cakes. The box advertises six fish cakes. There were seven. Extra fish cakes in the box FTW.