It’s about five am on a Sunday morning. T.V.programming sucks. Predictably 7, 9 and 10 are showing Christian religion shows. Even their HD options are showing the same rubbish.

I scanned through the channels in a hope to find some salvation from this religios rubbish. Channel 31 had a movie review show that looked interesting. Them that show finished and 31 sucumbed to the god monster.

Heart filled thanks go out to the ABC and SBS. The ABC have Rage on. They were featuring Radio Head and right now are featuring Augue March.

SBS aren’t showing as much imagination as ABC. They are showing some world weather thing from earthTV. Far from exciting, oh now it’s changed to a radar map of Australia. At least it has variety. Ah, now it’s back to earthTV. It’s going to be 32c in Dakar today. Hmm, back to the radar map. I think the programmers at SBS are drunk on variety.

Dear Boffins in charge of programing,

What do Hereos, Knight Rider and 90210 all have in common?  Local TV stations are ‘fasttracking’ them to Australian TV.  Yay for boffins in charge of programing.  This brings us to the question, What is fasttracking?  If you ask the boffins it’s the TV stations bringing shows that have recently aired in the USA to Australian TV in a quick turn around time.  Some shows have aired in Australia within days of it airing in the USA.

On the surface fasttracking sounds like a very good idea indeed.  Australian viewers get to see their favourite shows only days after they were originally screened.  Leaving a matter of taste aside, 90210? seriously? The ANZACs went to war for that shit?  But I digress, fasttracking rocks.  Sure it isn’t as fast as bit torrenting the show but you can be reasonably confident that when TV station x says a certain show will be on at a certain time you won’t be tuning in at that advertised time only to faced one of the earlier episodes of Steptoe and Son because some snotty nosed little shit thought that that would be a funny joke.

I think we can all agree that fasttracking is a bloody brilliant idea and boffins in charge of programming all around this fine land of ours deserve a big, Aussie, pat on the back for their great efforts.  Then, as the realisation of what fasttracking really means sinks in, the boffins in charge of programming should get a swift kick in the nads.  Fuckers are basking in the glory that fasttracking has brought them when in actual fact the term should be defined as follows:

Fasttrack(1) - A scheduling process in which shows are aired locally shortly after being aired for the first time, typically in the USA.

Fasttrack(2) - A scheduling process in which shows are aired locally shortly after being aired for the first time, typically in the USA, instead of being played whenever the boffins in charge of programming decided that airing the show in six different time slots, splitting a season of 12 episodes over 25 weeks and mysteriously missing the final episode which ties up the story ensuring the previous 11 episodes actually make some sense.

I say “Fuck you” boffins in charge of programing.  Don’t sit there and do your job correctly for a change while making out how good you are for doing it.  Fasttracking bullshit, lift your head up high and blow your brains out.

5:04 pm. Three weeks of annual leave starts Now. Where am I going? Nowhere. What am I going to do? Two of my kids are coming over from Perth for a visit so that will be nice. I haven’t seen them for a few months now. Ooh, tram is here.

6:23 pm. On the tram again. Restocked with smokes. Toasted fish cake sandwiches with tomato and cheese on the menu tonight. Maybe not the healthiest but should score well on the taste factor.

7:01 pm. Just made phone call to one of my daughters. That was nice. Opened the box of fish cakes. The box advertises six fish cakes. There were seven. Extra fish cakes in the box FTW.

I started today, at around 11am, with the best of intentions. I was going to do some cleaning, do some laundry then explore Melbourne further (I’ve been here a few months and I’ve seen very little of the place).

I’ve nailed the cleaning, nailed it enough, then got distracted by the iPhone app store. Downloaded a number of apps. Locly looks interesting and LOLcats stole three minutes of my life that I will never get back.

Searching the store revealed a lot of shifty looking apps with the odd diamond. Then I found the Wordpress app. Goodbye well intentioned plans. I’m now lying on my bed and blogging with my new app.

This is not going to help my already painful case of “iphone neck”.

Update: Looking forward to the good folk at wordpress adding some new features to it though.

Update 2: Jumping onto the computer to make changes is a whole lot faster though.

Things are always big in Texas.  In Texas even teacher’s salaries are big, especially for those that are supplementing their teaching salary with a bit of prostitution on the side.

That was allegedly the plan for Laurie Ann Lewis earlier this week.  Not content with the income she earned as a teacher at Cleveland High School in Houston police allege Laurie Ann Lewis met a man in an online chat room.  Unfortunately for Laurie Ann Lewis it was a sting and she got stung after asking for $300 to perform a sexual act.

» Continue reading “Salary not up to scratch? Hock your arse downtown then.”